"Travel isn’t always pretty. It isn’t always comfortable. Sometimes it hurts, it even breaks your heart. But that’s okay. The journey changes you- it should change you. It leaves marks on your memory, on your consciousness, on your heart, and on your body. You take something with you… Hopefully, you leave something good behind."
I have been shunning the idea of seeking clinical help for quite some time now. A couple of days ago, I decided to finally take a little leap from the usual and dial the doctor’s number. By some stroke of luck (or unluck, I still haven’t thought much about it), no one answered my call. Is this the Universe’s mild way of telling me to sort things out on my own or is this another challenge to keep trying. Keep trying, in this case, to contact the shrink.
I’m still thinking, but I believe this momentary road block will only make me overthink again. Can I just sigh and hope that things will fall into place?
For the last two months or so, I’ve been down to my knees, depressed over my choices, the environment’s response, and the tide of events that occurred thereafter. I do not know what to do right now.
There has been a widened gap between me and my family, and the continuous battle to keep love afloat. My relationship with my boyfriend has been strained several times as well, over poor decision making and a weak sense of responsibility (ergo maturity, to be blunt).
So, I have been thinking; probably thinking too much about the consequences. With all that free time to analyze everything, I haven’t done anything significant at all.
Last night’s conversation with my father hit home, though. And it sparked an intensity in me that should have been long overdue. There was hatred, agony, and remorse. There was also compassion and a thorough understanding of the situation. But really, who am I to kid myself?
I don’t really know what path to take, when both parties are fighting over something they deem better for me. Is it best to let time decide? Or should I just shun the fact that there’s a colossal difference between my parents’ and my boyfriend’s values?
To tell you frankly, reader, I’m not happy. 2013 didn’t started pretty well as I hoped it will. A little voice inside me wanted to point fingers over my parents’ sheltered upbringing (re: us kids) and my boyfriend’s unguarded opinions but that’s choosing the easy way out. The most logical step now would be to mature…fast. I guess that has long been overdue.